Walking History

This piece is posted as a present to myself. A piece to hold me accountable. To remind me where I have come from and give me strength for the future. May you find strength here as well.

I am walking history

I am past, present, and future versions of myself wrapped up in one package

I am walking history

I am marred with scars

I have left a bad taste in my own mouth

But I cannot and will not erase the past

For my history is where I draw my present and future strength from

Self hate breeds a pool… 

a wealth of self love

Self love

Love for my body

My mind

My whole entire being

How can hate catapult one to love?

It’s in the drive

It’s in the passion

It’s in the opposite attractions

The magnetic pull to do and be different

I AM walking history

I cannot and will not erase the past

I need the past so I remember where not to return

I need the past to be grateful for the present

And to move me forward into the future

I am walking history

A book not yet completed

I am a history of suicide attempts and sexual assault

And I am confusion and disillusion

I am self hate and self harm

I am black out binge drinking

And drug induced mania

I am unsafe exploits and broken in houses

And cars pulled over on the side of the road

I am tears cried in too many places to count

And thoughts too heavy to bear alone

But because I am walking history

I get to stamp WAS on AM

And walk into IS and WILL

My future is bright and sober

My future is scarless at my own hands

My future is full of love 

self love and acceptance

I will walk in into the fullness of joy God released for me at birth

I will release limiting beliefs that no longer suit me

I AM walking history

I WAS my past

I AM the bright present and future of my own marvelous self wrapped up into one package

I am light

I am loved

I AM FREE

Help is available. If you need to speak to someone please call or text 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline